Pee for Two!

Okay, this doesn't necessarily make me cranky...but it does make my stomach churn.

I get it, in this day and age society is a bit more lax about social boundaries than I would like. I can wrap my twisted mind around the filthy habit of talking on a cell phone in the bathroom. Heck, I have even been the recipient of one of those calls. And in one very embarrassing incident, I have answered the phone while in the bathroom stall - there was an unfortunate speaker phone and flushing situation that I'm still not quite ready to talk about.

But this, I cannot believe...

Are you kidding me?!? What kind of person/couple wants to go to the bathroom together? YUCK. EWWW. GROSS. Who wants to spend $1,400 on the downfall of social graces? What happened to that point in a relationship where you were even afraid to "rip a fart" (thanks to CrankyFashionChick for the lingo) in front of one another and now you want to go to the bathroom together?

I hope and pray that this is a joke, a la an old SNL skit, but I really fear that it's true!

We’re Not Cranky About LOST!

3CrankyChicks are totally excited about the long-awaited return of the brilliant TV series, LOST! On Thursday night, you’ll find all of us parked in front of our respective TV sets following the continuing adventures of Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Locke, Sayid, Hurley, Rose, Bernard and the other Losties.

While some of us have more or less love for certain characters, here are the things we agree on:

Lost is a most excellent show.

Ben sucks.

Locke is annoying as hell.

Hurley rocks.

We’re happy the baby is Jin’s.

Sawyer’s hot.

Kate’s a big whiner – she acts like its such a burden having to choose between two completely HOT guys.

Sayid is our top draft pick for people we want on our islands.

And if the writers’ strike isn’t resolved soon, we’re going to die!

Gen Y Whiners

So, one of our co-workers who is not an “Official CrankyChick” but one who keeps us informed of the shenanigans of the general public, brought this to my attention. I realize this is old news, but I’m just getting fired up about it now!

Basically, a high school student decided to call up the county official who makes the decisions about snow days at home because he believed that school should have been cancelled. The county official’s wife returned his call and left him an angry voicemail. She read him the riot act, and called him (and all kids I think) “snotty-nosed little brats.” The student, Dave Kori, took her voicemail, posted it on YouTube and Facebook, AND included the official’s home phone number. Well the scandal took off from there. (You’ll have to look the voicemail up for yourself - I’m not doing that much of the work for you.)

The county official has taken a lot of flak, as did his wife, since the Washington Post and local news stations ran stories all last week.

I wonder what possessed Dave to call a school administration official at home… from his barred cell phone… at lunch? Was he thinking that actual working adults go home for lunch? HELLO Dave - people WORK for a living, and most of us work through lunch!

Why does Dave think that his opinion matters? I blame the parents. Much has been written about Generation Y and how dealing with these kids is going to be a nightmare. Trying times are coming. This is the generation of kids whose parents have told them how wonderful they are every second of every day. This is the generation of kids who need constant praise for doing the simplest things. This is the generation of kids who don’t like red pen because it’s angry and it hurts their feelings. And, this is the generation that makes me want to stab them. NEWSFLASH – you’re not wonderful. Your parents have to say that to you.

One columnist reminds Dave that employers and college application boards are just the type to Google him before his interview. Would you want to hire the kid who would post – what you thought was a private conversation – online? I don’t think so. As the fallout from posting someone’s home telephone number online has caught up with Dave, I think he’s had a chance to rethink things. He reportedly has asked his friends to take down the official’s phone number from their Facebook sites.

I’m not saying the official’s wife was right for yelling at the kid, no wait… I am. It’s about time someone told these Gen Y punks to shut up. I’m tired of kids who think that the sun shines out of their ass. Listen up kids, this isn’t the first time you’ll be yelled at for something you think you don’t deserve, and it certainly won’t be the last. Sometimes life sucks and you just have to put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

Cold Weather SUCKS.

Nobody likes wind chill factors of seven degrees.

"Rudy Radiates Leadership..."

AAaaaaaah!

I found this gem of a letter today giving props to Mr. Giuliani, here's an excerpt:

"Rudy has promised to secure our borders and to identify every non-citizen
person in our country. These reforms will make America safer. "

Um… Ok…

And:

"The United States was not formed to be a Third World nation; we were formed to
be a leader, not a follower. With Rudy, America will restore our position as the
global leader, while improving the life of every American.

Rudy is a leader, let him lead.

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!”

I think he sums it up pretty well there. I'm going to find a small patch of land somewhere, fill it with "aliens" and lead us on a quest to be the most impoverished, most deprived country in the WORLD! Then I'll go and round up all non resident people and "identify" them. But how to identify? Would wearing hot pink t-shirts be enough? Would there be a special whooping call or a certain way of lacing up one's sneakers. Hmm. That plan still needs to be cleaned up a bit. But I'm confident, like buddy here says, that will make the borders safe. Now that is a fine blueprint for nationbuilding.

Maybe my boy Dennis Kucinich wouldn't have called it quits if I'd managed to get myself all riled up like this guy and found an outlet to publish my praise in.

Rah, Rah, Rah - Dennis, Dennis, Dennis!

Guess that's what the blog is for.

Check it out, it’s entertaining (in a Freddy vs. Jason sort of way).

Since I don’t care to be sued by the nice people of Bloomington, Illinois – a great state! – I’ll say no more.

Look Who's Cranky

We had a little visitor in the office. Isn't she just the cutest thing, even if she is wailing! Of course I'm not complaining about a baby, my goodness I'm never that cranky! I mean really, do ya'll think I would bitch and moan about a baby?!?

Sometimes Fashion Makes Me Cranky

What's worse than bad fashion? NOTHING! And yet, year-after-year, season-after-season, we're subjected to some seriously bad fashion. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE fashion...or at least style (I'll leave you to ponder the difference), but some fashion is enough to make me cranky.

The February issues of the fashion magazines are beginning to clog my mailbox and cover my coffee table and once again, I'm being subjected to some seriously DUMB trends. The most ridiculous of all being THE PEEP-TOE BOOTIE!! What IS this thing? It looks like an otherwise perfectly respectable pair of booties that were VICIOUSLY ATTACKED BY A LAWNMOWER.

Booties usually keep your tootsies warm in cold weather. If you cut the toes off, they're no longer warm. Shoes that show your toes usually keep your feet cool in warm weather. It's hard to have cool, comfortable feet when they're ENCASED IN LEATHER. This brings me to ridiculous trends from seasons past, which I shall classify by the ways in which they offend the sensibilities:

For God's sake, pick a season!
The peep-toe bootie falls into this category. As do wool shorts. Really people, this was one of the dopiest trends of Fall 2007. Shorts are not warm. They are not fall and winter clothes. They are summer clothes. Making them out of wool will NOT make them fall and winter clothes because THE REST OF MY LEGS will be exposed. "Oh, but you wear them with tights," some idiot will say. If you need to wear tights with shorts to keep your legs warm, then perhaps you'd just like to invest in what you should be wearing in the first place...A PAIR OF PANTS!

It was stupid last time, and it's stupid now.
Ponchos. What addle-pated fashion designer decided we should re-launch the poncho? I had a poncho once...in the 70's WHEN I WAS A CHILD AND DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. Ponchos are an amazing item of clothing -- they're not warm enough and they're too warm, all at the same time. Frankly, unless you live somewhere where the temperature never gets above 70 or below 60 -- YOU CAN'T WEAR THESE THINGS!!! And ponchos were clearly invented by men because no one put any thought into where you're supposed to hang your shoulder bag. Does it go  over the poncho or under it? I don't know!! And that brings me to...

Impractical clothing
Oh, don't even start with "fashion's not supposed to be practical." I KNOW that. I'm CrankyFashionChick. I have shoes that I can only wear if I'll be sitting down the entire time. I have skirts that won't let me take steps wider than six inches. I have the world's most fabulous winter white, wrap wool coat. It' s not warm and it has to be drycleaned after every wearing. I own SIX LEATHER JACKETS. Don't talk to me about practicality. But there's impractical and then there's ridiculously impractical. Let's start with...

Footless tights. First of all, this sounds far too much like crotchless panties. And that's not even my biggest objection to them. With a long skirt, you can't see them (Why are you wearing black long underwear under your skirt? Did you know it's showing?) and with a short skirt...YOU CAN.

Footless tights, of course, are the less sturdy cousins of LEGGINGS! These look like crap on everyone. I once saw Christie Brinkley in a pair of leggings. She also had on a cropped top, so we could see her bum. Sweetie, if leggings and a cropped top looked bad on Christie Brinkley in her hey-day, you don't have A PRAYER of pulling them off.

Batwing or dolman sleeves. It just SOUNDS ugly, doesn't it? And they're amazingly unflattering. And you can forget about wearing a coat over any top that has these sleeves. Bunched-up city. You'll look like you have the fattest, flabbiest arms in Mayberry jammed into your coat sleeves. Maybe this is where the poncho was supposed to come in?

Ugly on everyone.
Leggings fall into this category. But so do...

LOW RISE PANTS. Thank God this is a trend has been declared over. Yes, it's over. Throw those pants away. When did sporting plumber's crack become fashionable? Yuk. And they gave even the thinnest girls muffin tops. In fact, the phrase muffin tops was coined to describe the flab that bubbles up over the top of low-rise pants and sticks out between the too-short top and the too-low pants. And it's vile. When a size zero has muffin tops, you have to blame the article of clothing.

Not for grown-ups.
The babydoll top and the babydoll dress. There's a reason it has the word "baby" in it. You'll look like you're carrying one -- as in, you're preggers. These are cute on little girls who can't possibly be pregnant and on pregnant women who have a reason to walk around with their waistline under their boobs.

And the worst fashion item of all-time.
Flipflops. I HATE flipflops. I hate the noise they make. I hate the way they look. I hate the way they make people walk -- like insane, shuffling ducks. I hate that people think that they're appropriate footwear for city streets (they're not). I hate that people wear them in the winter time (I mean, please). I hate that people actually wear them INTO RESTAURANTS, FOR GOD'S SAKE! I hate the way people's heels slide off the back of them and get all grotty and black. Ugh.

And that's my fashion screed for the day. Until next time...

We Have a Winner - *BS

And to think I thought I was going to get through an entire day without being seriously pissed off, silly me I was so wrong. Here’s a helpful note to our dozen readers, NEVER buy or lease any copiers from Mr. Shady Salesman OR Mr. Irresponsible Service Tech at *BS (a truly horrible service company in the Washington area that shall remain nameless, only because two of my best friends are lawyers and they insist that I could be sued. Although I will say that the company’s name ends in BS. That should have been a red flag for me right there!). They are lying scum suckers who’ll take your money and give you the WORST service in the history of bad customer service. How was I to know that a sales contract, which on the surface appeared reasonable and logical, combined with an attentive sales-person – up until the minute we signed on the dotted line – was actually too good to be true?

Okay, I deleted the rest of this post because it was getting to be a hate filled tirade. As CrankyFashionChick reminded me, this is a fun and lighthearted blog about 3CrankyChicks NOT a full description of all the low-down and dirty tricks *BS played on us. Plus she said I never should have trusted Mr. Shady Salesman because he wore a mustard colored suit. That’s right head to toe in baby poop yellow. How did I miss the shit theme???

So instead of describing in gruesome detail how I’d like to get a hold of one of those ?$!X@* by the throat (or somewhere a little lower) and just squeeze, I’ll just remind you that if you want something fixed you’ll have to do it yourself. And, if you’re unhandy (I realize that’s not a word. This is a blog – you’ll have to work with me cyber-people.) like I am, then you’re sure to get a little cranky while you do so.

Our Inaugural Post

Hello world! We're pissed off and now you can read about it!! We're three cranky chicks who all live and work in DC.

Today we're mad because we didn't get a snow day. The fact that we weren't actually promised one is irrelevant. There were large, lovely, fluffy snowflakes coming down a few hours ago, but did they stick? NO!!!! And now we just have sucky freezing rain, which does nothing but make the street slick and our commutes dangerous.

We're also cranky about a wide variety of other things. People who stand outside our office and yak on their cell phones really piss us off. People who eat chips and drink soda in the bathroom stall not only piss us off, but they kind of freak us out. The guy who runs the lunch place in our building who leers at women drives us crazy.

So, world, here we are and just know this...we don't like you.