80's Redux?

CrankyFashionChick is the first to avow that the 80's were the last truly original time for fashion and music. Everything since then has been basically redux. The 90's were the 70's. And not even well-done. But now, we've cycled back to the 80's in the '00's. (00's? Really?) And some of it is fab and some should have been ignored.

Harem pants. UGH! No woman who has EVER purchased those has checked her rear view. If she did - she's either deluded or myopic. Hammer, please hurt 'em.

Neon. Agyness Deyn is the only person who can wear neon colors. She's also the only person who can get away with suicide blonde hair and black brows.

Gigantic shoulders. Please. We all walked around in the 80's blithely unaware of the fact that we looked like really short linebackers. It was terrible. Stop now.

Rah-rah skirts. I had one. I loved it. It was absurd. Enough said.

Flat booties. They're adorable. They're fabulous. They make you look like an elf.

Tucking jeans into boots. This one is tricky. It's only for the very thin and very tall. Everyone else looks fat and stupid dressed like this. Especially if you have large thighs. Trust CrankyFashionChick, she knows of what she speaks.

For the sake of all that is stylish, please ban these horrors from your wardrobe and your body, buy a full-length mirror, use it and we'll all have a much better 2010.

Say what you want about harem pants....

Harem pants may well look like you're walking around in a diaper, but they do perform the basic function of pants -- they cover your legs. These specs, however, are a total waste of time and money ($325, to be exact!). The lenses aren't corrective! They're just clear plastic. And they're not even tinted.

Presumably, these are glasses for people with perfect vision. Which is a bit like wearing braces when you have straight teeth. Cranky Fashion Chick does NOT approve!

Proof of the Decline of Fashion as We Know It

This is one seriously stupid looking "shoe." I don't even want to categorize it with shoes because I love shoes and this one gives all the others a bad name.

Really - it looks like someone put plastic bags on her feet, cut out the toes and then put on the remnants of a shoe boot that was never completely cobbled.

It's awful.

And the best part is that the seller is actually trying to encourage people to buy them because "they're going fast!" The only place these things are going fast is into the dumpster.

We Haven't Forgotten About You

No need for alarm - the 3CrankyChicks haven't forgotten about you - we've just been too busy to blog about how cranky we are that we are so busy. You follow?

Well, this "First Lady Got Back" has got me/us riled up. Salon's Erin Aubry Kaplan has dedicated an entire article to talking about Michelle Obama's ass. Not her clothes, her hair or any other superficial image issue, which frankly no one wants to read about that crap either. No Kaplan wants to talk about the soon-to-be-First Lady's boo-tay.

I cannot even articulate how completely INAPPROPRIATE it is to write about the size of the future First Lady's ass. As CrankyFashionChick points out, no one talks about Laura Bush's pancake butt. And no one should.

Leave these women alone! Just because your spouse decides to run for office doesn't mean that your ASS is up for public commentary.

Check the Rear View

People, before you leave the house do yourselves and everyone around you a favor.  Stand in front of a mirror.  Turn around.  Look over your shoulder.  Please.

This summer I have seen far too many people who haven't done this...with disastrous results.  Summer is a time for wearing white.  White is often see-through.  The answer to this is NOT to wear white underpants with your white dress/skirt/pants.  The answer is to wear nude underpants.  I don't want to see your underpants.  And in most cases, NOBODY wants to see your underpants.

The see-through pants showing off your undies syndrome is, sadly, not the province only of women.  I SWEAR TO GOD, I saw a nice young man on the way to work a month ago suffering from the same condition.  

While I am not usually prone to checking men's butts on my way to work, I did notice that the young man in question appeared to have stains on his khaki trousers.  "Oh.  Bummer" I thought to myself.  Then I noticed that there seemed to be several stains at regular intervals and they were more or less flower-shaped.  "Holy cow," I thought to myself.  "Those aren't stains, those are his flowered boxers showing through his khakis!"  And they were.  I didn't even know they made khakis that see-through.  And clearly, neither did he.

Now, see-throughness is not the only reason to check your rear view.  While staring out the window, enjoying the parade of passers-by in San Francisco a few weeks ago, I saw a young woman go by in a dress that really should be classified as a top.  But that wasn't her most serious fashion infraction.  The back of her dress had gotten caught on the lining of her leather jacket and she was showing her hot pink underpants to everyone behind her.  Lovely.  I'm just glad she wasn't wearing a thong.

So.  Walk over to the mirror.  Turn around.  Look over your shoulder.  Some day, you'll thank me.